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Our friends for more than 20 years, a person who's overcome several hardships, which I admire. But, she's repeatedly taken by surprise by people. Her spouse ended their marriage, which came as a massive blow. A lot of her friends drifted away then, since they had been focused solely on the spouse. This surprised her. She made increased attention toward our bond, probably grasped more acutely the meaning of companionship.

Ongoing Issues With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, quite a few of her friends have drifted apart and she isn't sure why. The company she worked for became hostile, even though she was very skilled at her work, her exit happened without knowing the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, both of us retired leading to more time together, but I am finding the part I play between us is to listen. I open discussion points but she shifts the talk toward things she cares about. Politically, she has unyielding views. I attempt to recommend verifying facts and different perspectives.

She has been organizing a trip to a nation I have traveled to on several occasions and resided in for some time. I tried to offer insights, however, my input not welcomed. She really just desired validation of her choices. I have returned from a month there and she wants to catch up, however, I hesitate.

Weighing the Options

I don't want to be a friend that walks away without a word, however, I feel she can comprehend the impact of how she acts on my self-esteem. Currently, my state is pulling back. What's the best step?

Ways Forward

It's possible to cut and run, however, that approach is not often the easy answer we hope for. However, addressing it with the goal of working things out demands strength and readiness for each of you.

Experts suggest trying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"The first step is to state the usual pattern in your conversations. This needs to be objective and clear like what a recording device would replay. Next is to tell the way it makes you feel. This allows for no disagreement about this. Your feelings are your feelings, of course. Finally is to ask ways you together going to change the pattern in your relationship."

Consider that she also has a point of view, so you need to stay open to acknowledge it. An approach that works is to say her:

"Please share your thoughts and I promise to listen without interrupting for half an hour."

It's remarkably successful in fostering mutual respect.

Final Thoughts

This person may dismiss your concerns, for those who cling to a “survival narrative”: they rely on a story of their life they're unable to abandon as it feels essential depends upon it and it represents they've known. This is difficult because there's no easy route in such cases, just dead ends. But she may start out like this then consider your perspective. And should a resolution isn't found a resolution, it provides closure from having been open and direct.